Min vecka har varit bra, tacksam för mina underbara lärare och klass kamrater. Känner mig så stark i deras sällskap. Dessutom har veckans uppgifter varit super kul, kände mig så nöjd och tillfreds med resultatet. Det är sällan jag känner mig nöjd och stolt över mig själv och mitt arbete. Känner mig mer eller mindre oftast misslyckad och att mitt arbete inte alls var bra. Har så höga krav på mig själv. Känner att jag aldrig gör arbetet tillräckligt bra, att det bara blev skit av allt och jag vill förstöra det för att ingen annan ska hinna se mitt ”fula” arbete.
Kämpar fortfarande med jobbiga mardrömmar efter de senaste händelserna som skakat mig. Panik, obehag och ångest, varje dag är det samma sak. Rädslan att möta personen i fråga, hur h*n kommer bete sig.
Efter mitt förra inlägg fick jag meddelanden från h*n om jag kände mig ”nöjd med att skriva av mig..” senare skrev h*n att ” Det måste kännas bra att skriva ut på sociala medier och svartmåla en person..” Minns inte ordagrant vad som skrevs… Men ni fattar… Jag nämnde inga namn eller om det är en hon eller han som det handlar om… ÄNDÅ måste h*n skriva till mig och öka mitt obehag. Min rädsla.
Jag skulle ALDRIG skriva ut namn på personer om jag inte har personens tillåtelse.
H*n tycker att jag söker bekräftelse via sociala medier.
Min instagram har blivit en plattformsäventyr jag kan visa mina floristiska arbeten och skapa en digital portfolio.
Min blogg är för min skull och för den som vill läsa som kanske känner igen sig i mina texter.
Jag skulle aldrig kunna kräva eller tvinga någon att läsa eller kommentera. Det är varje enskild persons val.
Är tacksam för de som följer mig och läser mina inlägg. Det gör mig glad.
Så nu släpper vi det. Tänkte dela bilder från veckans skapelser i skolan. Haft så roligt och ska erkänna att ett av arbetena ser ut som kaos, men det är lite meningen. Och de arbetet hjälpte mig sänka kraven på mig själv. Längtar tills jag får göra de igen!!
My week has been good, grateful for my wonderful teachers and classmates. Feeling so strong in their company. In addition, this week’s tasks have been super fun, I felt so happy and satisfied with the result. I rarely feel satisfied and proud of myself and my work.
Feeling more or less often failed and that my work was not good at all. Have such high demands on myself. Feel that I never do the job well enough, that it just got shit from everything and I want to ruin it so that no one else will have time to see my ”ugly” work.
Still struggling with troublesome nightmares after the recent events that shook me. Panic, discomfort and anxiety, every day is the same thing. The fear of meeting the person in question, how going to behave. After my previous post, I received messages from That asked ”if I felt happy to write about what happened ..” later wrote that ”It must feel good to print on social media and blackmail a person ..” Remember not literally what was written… But you understand… I did not mention any names or if it is a female or a man it is about… STILL must write to me and increase my discomfort. My fear. I would NEVER print the names of people without my person’s permission. thinks I’m looking for confirmation via social media.
My instagram has become a platform adventure I can show my floristic works and create a digital portfolio.
My blog is for my sake and for those who want to read who may recognize themselves in my texts. I could never demand or force anyone to read or comment. It is each individual’s choice. I am grateful to those who follow me and read my posts. It makes me happy.
So now we drop that.. Thought i would share pictures from this week’s creations at school. Had so much fun and I have to admit that one of the works looks like chaos, but that’s a bit of a point. And that work helped me lower the demands on myself. Longing until I can do them again !!
Sunday was the vernal equinox, the day offered sun, love and happiness. Went up 6.30 and ate breakfast, took a nice shower where I got my hair washed by M. How luxurious is not it? Getting your hair washed 😌 Bedded the bed and waited for it to be 9.45!
Went and picked up my best friend and sister Amanda for a luxury breakfast / coffee at Sjömans. It was so cozy, we talked a lot, laughed and there were only two of us. Long since we hade time without children (she has 2 that I love but sometimes they are nice to just be us and be able to talk about things we can not talk about when the children are with). If you are visiting Köping, you must visit Sjomans bakery, they have such a cozy room, friendly staff and wonderful treats to eat! After our coffee, I went to the pharmacy and picked up my medicine, have come up with free cards for medicines, it has never happened to me before. Took Amanda home to me where we talked a bit with M, showed how I had refurnished (do it quite often).
Then at about 12.3o we drove her home, bought an MCD with us out to dad’s where a party was approaching. It was me, M, mother, father, brother and his two children (will call them E and A). It was the first time my brother and his 2 little ones got to meet M. They went well, so when it comes to the children, A felt comfortable pretty fast and we played games and built lego. E was a little more careful, but they lightened up pretty fast. She is 2 years old and so lovely. She talks and says things that I melt from hearing. The best thing is that there are 2 dog stuffed animals out there, a purple dachshund that is big and a small baby toy dachshund with a bell in it. The little one is hers .. and the big one is my dad’s (her faffa, Granddad) and as soon as he releases it and does something otherwise she takes it and looks for him because he should have it all the time.
Decided to go for ice cream instead of cake, it was my birthday we celebrated a day in advance I forgot to write, then lots of play, games and out in the sun. We played football with A he is so good at it, and so fun that he and M found each other.
E walked around and checked the situation a bit, my mother showed her the anemones that grow out there. ”Blau bleomma” as she said. After that, my mother picked up snowdrops for her. She was so happy, until it broke and she thought ”faffa” would fix it… we picked a new one instead.
At about 16.30 everyone went home. I got the absolute best birthday present in soooo long, a new microwave from grandma and mom. My old man had to move out on the balcony after it started to smell burnt. It was my Sunday.
Monday 21/3 my birthday, I turned 32 years old. Woke up with breakfast in bed, it does not happen often or think they never happened 😂. Of course I rocked the socks! Made me ready for school, picked up my tools from my internship and fixed some things on EKO and Biltema. Did as I always do…
Went home, cooked lunch and booked laundry time.
First 13-16 but when we came down ngn washed and had put padlocks on. Could not bother or look for the man who washes (are many apartments) so changed to 16-19.
Went well until we went down to fix the last wash that was in the machine. It had locked due to a strange error. So we tried to find that thing that allows you to open the machine even though they are, for example, power outages. We tried for 15 minutes maybe before I called Securitas who came down .. he had to call a colleague who was allowed to come and look… we did for 1 hour! Tried with everything, they unscrewed the ”lid” on the washing machine and then the front .. then we found that emergency opener… after 1h!
And then the laundry was really wet… but was so tired and just ready to cry, so they turned out, put in the dryer and then hope for the best. They had not dried completely so hung in the bathroom overnight and realize that the laundry must be washed again as they are detergent and rinse aid in the…. Do not even remember the last time I felt so irritated and bitter.
But otherwise it was a good birthday, promised myself that next year I will not wash on my birthday!
Did the internship assignment and submitted it today, it feels good. Deadline for submission is 28/3. I decided to take a morning shower, watched some TV and been doing nothing special. Replanted one of my palms as the pot it stands in leaked water all over the floor. Planted even though some of my palettes… did some of them \yesterday too but the rest today.
Now it’s time to watch a little more TV and just relax 🙂
This weekend has offered so much sun so wonderful. The birds have gone completely crazy and got spring feelings, really hope that spring now comes with a little more heat and much less snow.
It felt so unnecessary with a blizzard and shit. Lost hope right away.
But is so happy anyway, smiles all the time and is so filled with butterflies in my whole body. I can’t believe that another human being can make you feel this way. Did not think it was possible. Not after everything I went through.
But it feels so heavenly good and I feel good about it. Feeling safe and taken care of, in a good way. He makes me feel seen and I feel comfortable in his company.
We are taking it slow and are getting to know each other properly, so it feels good that we are both on the same level.
In addition, it’s nice that he also has ADHD and understands me better than others on those planes. Not many others understand what it is like to live with that diagnosis.
Now I’ll watch some TV and later go to celebrate my brother who turns 33 tomorrow (actually 29/2) Then there are only 21 days left until my birthday… wow!
Hope you all had a super nice weekend and get off to a good start this week.
Vi hoppas att du ska trivas med våra ö-inlägg. Oavsett om du bor på ön året runt, kommer hit med jämna mellanrum eller aldrig varit här... Givetvis skulle det varit trevligt om vi kan få dig, som aldrig varit på Gotland, att åka hit för första gången. Vi tror inte du skulle ångra dig. Chansen är betydligt större att du drabbas av samma känslor som Bosse fått varje gång, som vi varit här på semester. Välkomna önskar Bosse och Solveig Lidén!